I'm constantly trying to do 1000 different things all while trying to

experiment with this Blog thing. If I hadn't of started doing the audio

blogs, I'd probably never had time to post anything for the last few

days. Now You guys can understand why I write the way I do, I think

1000 miles per hour and can't write the way I think. I have hundreds of

things going through my head all at once. I think thought I need to

start writing more and maybe I'm going to post some more pictures. I

sometimes wonder about some of these blogs I see with people taking

pictures of a rock or a cat taking a shit or whatever and having some

weird "I'm an artist in despair " kind of overture. But to the

modern "art fag" crowd they have this attitude that " If you can 't

understand this meaningless crap you are not on the level of

intellegence and enlightnment we are". But now I really understand

where this kind of shit comes from. From the bored or those who put no

stock in figuring out the environment around them who search for

meaning in bullshit. The worlds of these types remind me of the abused

teenge boy in "American Beauty" that makes a big deal over the beauty

of a paper bag blowing around. Yes I see the beauty of things blowing

free too, like the tree limbs blowing down destroying the power lines.

Or how about the beauty of a drug dealer's pit bull getting loose and

chasing a screaming child down the street? Come on people, just becuase

you may not have any real talent doesn't mean you have to invent some

imaginary shit world where you're" misunderstood".Again all this shit

is just an aftermath of the "positve reinforcement hippie bullshit"

that we've had forced upon us. Just like the crap about sports. Kids

who play sports must be told all about "sportsmanship" blah blah.

Bullshit. Kids are smarter than this and know the world wants winners.

If a kid sucks at sports then let him do somthing else. Fuck it . There

are too many people being told trying somthing is enough. Now they

really don't even try anymore, they pretend to be trying becuase that

constitutes "success" . Most atheletes or hardcore sports fans I know

are fucking idiots anyway. Who cares? This mantality is why people who

talk a good game instead of people who are talented are getting ahead .

It's all about being a salesman more than a realisticly honest person

about the situation. It's all politics. I am an artist. I love art. But

there are certain art mediums I either suck at or not into. That

doesn't mean I invent some bullshit form of that art and say I'm good.

I never claimed to be a great writer. That Kevin guy on the TJ's blog

writes some lame stories sometimes but these teenagers say he's a great

writer. I don't see it myself. Maybe he does a great outline and his

grammar and sentence structure is great. But I really don't see

any real emotional investment in the shit. He says what he should say

or most folks would say in a bad situation. But we all know we have

dark and light thoughts in the same instance. So he will always

be a guy who facinates young kids who haven't been to a strip club and

find these stories interesting. I write about my opinions of life

and the adult industry experiences that are part of what has shaped my

views. Kevin is more like" This happened at the club and I was

like Golly Gee" and then it's " Hey I played golf today ." But people

seem to love things without any emotional investment. These things I

write and say on audio are real emotional feelings , not just a daily

story . I guess it's all what you want to experience. I just think

there's so many things going on out there that you never really see the

real story behind. I wanted to paint a picture of what "strip club

mangers" are really like. Not the "nice guys" Kevin portrays ( I

pointed out he is not really a true example of someone who been there)

or the dirtbags they portray on movies. More like soldiers.

Soldiers are basically killers for their cause, and do things that

cause them to lose some of the moral footing we all enjoy for the sake

of protecting others. Like having to take a life, even maybe taking an

innocent life by accident . Many folks can judge a soldier because they

aren't in the position. But yet these same guys are heroes to

folks as well. But if you open it all up , these people are neither in

the "dark" or "light" zone of life. They are somewhere in between.

Which is where lots of us are. Many men have cheated on the wife, yet

in the same sense would die for thier wife. Many women have used men

but find that one man they love differently . Some folks have lied,

cheated or stole things but yet they love their children. Many of us

have made mistakes. I have worked in an industry that many say degrades

women. I went out of my way to always make the best of the people I was

exposed to. I said to hell with the theory of the "drug addicted "

stripper images and tried to make everyone do the best with themselves

when they were under my authority. Many times I lost but I still fought

against the soul eating world I was in. This is what I'm talking about.

I see a paper bag blowing around I'm not thinking about the "beauty and

freedom" of a paper bag. I'm thinking of overpriced convenience stores

and someone leaving their credit card reciept in the bag . Then the


someone got a 100 dollar littering ticket for throwing out the bag. Or

a junkie used the bag to hide a syringe full of heroin from the

rain. But I'm not being negative. I'm also thinking about how

it's great the guy isn't doing dope, the sidewalks are being kept clean

and there are new security measures for credit card companies because

of fraud. So who's the real artist? The guy who says " Oh it's so

beatiful " or the guy who can come up with how and why it's ugly and

beautiful at the same time?