Breaking News!!!Bin Lauden Captured In United States!!!

November 2, 2004
In a strange Twist of events, Osama Bin Lauden was captured in Florida shortly after casting his vote for John Kerry. He was in the company of ten other terrorists, all registered democrats.The terrorists had been on a tour of the United States "swing states" in an effort to elect their chosen candidate.The group had over 1 million dollars worth of crack cocaine in their possesion. Bin Lauden stated that they didn't know it was illegal and that people at the polls just kept handing it to him and telling him to vote for John Kerry.In a late night interview with Dan Rather, Osama told CBS that they had been hiding out in the US for months, and that they had no trouble flying except a few times when some senior citizen with a walker was getting searched at the airport.He said the group was amazed at how much drugs were available , and they had attended after parties with Hollywood celeberties, as well as a Springsteen concert, where sex and drugs were rampant. When asked what the difference in Middle Eastern women and American women, Osama stated " Well, American women are more high maintence, because in my country we cut off the clitoris of our women when they reach puberty. Here you have to actually "go down" on a woman, and worry about the "orgasm" thing." Bin Lauden also stated that he and his party had gotten a few women pregnant , and said how glad he was that if he and other "babies daddies" went to jail, the tax dollars of working white men would support their children. Also in some cases abortions were easy to come by , so either way the kids would be taken care of . " I am just sad there are no state funded abortions" Bin Lauden said , " But maybe after our guy is elected we'll see a change in that." After a jailhouse meeting with filmaker Michael Moore, Bin Lauden gave his final statement , " My friend Mike and I have been talking, and I want to tell you what happened. Dick Cheney called me and asked to borrow money, so I decided a terrorist attack would be better since they could start an oil war and blame me and my buddy Saddam for the attack." Jessie Jackson was also on hand with the ACLU, stating that "racial profiling" was uses at the arrest, and Jackson stated " Bin Lauden is brown, so he went down" .One more note: None of the terrosits were wearing any fur.

posted by anthonygrieco @ 3:12 AM Comments: 0